i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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