I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
