was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
