Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
