You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
