remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i think i have two assholes
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
