I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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