The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
two words...techno handjob
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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