I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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