Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
