I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
