he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
