I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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