He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize
