just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You dont lie about slip and slides
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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