I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
