I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
