We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
two words: eviction party
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
