He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
tonight lets celebrate not being married
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
