Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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