I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize