So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
