if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
