i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
