i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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