Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
