You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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