Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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