Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
