Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
