I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
