I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
