My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
