Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
