Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
