I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
