I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
