i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize