how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
