You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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