I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
