I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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