the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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