she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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