Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
