i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
MIDGETS
????
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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