please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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