And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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