What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
