Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
