is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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