honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
