Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
