I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
