dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
