just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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