um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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