Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
